There is no excuse for toxic, rude, or sexist behavior at work. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that it still happens within many companies and organizations around the world. Aside from insulting their coworkers, which is unethical, these people also have a direct negative impact on the business’s efficiency and profits. Talented workers who are discriminated against either get demotivated or jump ship in search of normal workplace environments.
The ‘When’s Happy Hour’ Instagram account recently shared a post, inviting working women to reveal the worst, most bizarre, and ludicrous things their male colleagues have ever said to them. We’ve collected some of the very worst comments that would make anyone’s blood boil. If you want to see what to never ever say at work, scroll down. But be warned, this is beyond frustrating to read.
#1
In a room full of male colleagues, the (male) CIO asked me to take the meeting notes. I was the 3rd highest ranked person in the room, but the only female. Thank goodness my (male) boss said “ummm, not sure why Lynsey needs to do that, can you explain?”…and the CIO was speechless and another guy volunteered. There are some good ones out there!
#2
You should make more of an effort at work, put some lipstick on (he was in his 40s and I was 23, it was the first time I met him as I’d only been working there a couple of months). Told him i don’t need lipstick to do my job well, but that he could give it a go if he needs to.
#3
“Why do you never wear skirts?” I responded with the same question.
The Harvard Business Review points out that there’s a difference between a difficult employee and a toxic one who makes work life miserable for everyone. “I call them toxic because not only do they cause harm but they also spread their behavior to others,” explains Dylan Minor, an assistant professor at the Kellogg School of Management.
Meanwhile, Christine Porath, an associate professor at Georgetown, told HBR that toxic employees have a pattern of “de-energizing, frustrating, or putting down teammates.” She noted that it’s not just about a particular employee being rude—the entire team suffers because of their behavior.
“Oftentimes, the behavior doesn’t run against anything legal so you can’t fire them if others in the organization don’t agree that a line has been crossed.”
#4
My former new Team Manager Indirectly joked and told me I could benefit from reducing my caseload and responsibilities to potentially become a trophy wife if I ever decided to in the future. The next morning he had an hour long meeting with HR and company CEO.
#5
A boss told me to spread my legs and then immediately “corrected” it to spread your wings while having a conversation with me about me being promoted. I did get the promotion on my own, a transfer, and he got terminated.
#6
Was told that I look “tired” and then when I said he should not be commenting on peoples appearances at work, proceed to say that his wife “doesn’t mind when he comments'”. I looked him straight in the eye and said, last time I checked, im not your wife.
HBR suggests that managers talk to the potentially problematic individual first, in order to try and understand what’s causing their behavior. They ought to follow up with concrete and specific feedback, as well as the opportunity to change for the better. Furthermore, they can look for ways to minimize the interactions between the toxic employee and the rest of the team.
On the flip side, something to avoid doing is bringing the situation up with your other team members. Instead, you should allow them to mention things first and then provide suggestions. You shouldn’t fire the potentially problematic person unless you’ve documented their behavior, how it impacted the team, and how you responded. And of course, you probably have other priorities at work, too. Don’t ignore them just to focus on handling one single issue.
#7
I very politely corrected a male colleague who had misread some data and another male in the room said ‘imagine being corrected by a girl! To which I said technically he had been corrected also as he hadn’t noticed the error either.
#8
One time a male coworker mansplained to me how to pronounce my name. My own name.
#9
“You’re coming off a little too strong.” Funny, you never hear that as a feedback to a man.
As per People Management, companies should ensure that toxic behavior is “unambiguously unacceptable.” The organization has to be very explicit that they will not tolerate certain behaviors.
“Toxic behaviors can be both verbal and non-verbal and can include isolating individuals, excluding people from meetings or work events, unreasonable job demands that frequently impact personal time and name calling that belittles individuals in front of others. Non-verbal threats such as smirking and eye-rolling can be intimidating. Comments about someone’s size, weight, gender, or age can frequently be dressed up as ‘banter’ but are demeaning and often discriminatory.”
#10
“Sweetie, is there a man in charge?” He said. As I handed him a redline of HIS drawing that I FIXED FOR HIM. I was an engineer, and he got mad I corrected his mistakes.
#11
I was the project lead on a new product launch, and I had a meeting with all the other department heads for schedule coordination and planning and they were all men. One of the department heads who did not know me, walked right up to me and asked: “can you get me a cup of coffee, hun?” I obliged and then proceeded to sit at the head of the table and introduced myself as the project lead for the launch. He sat in silence while awkwardly sipping his coffee for the remainder of the meeting.
#12
My back was hurting so I stretched for like a second. He took this as an invitation to comment on the size of my breasts in front of everyone in our open plan office.
What is the very worst thing that someone at work has ever said to you? Have you ever been a victim of workplace sexism? How did your manager, HR, or company react to any issues with toxic colleagues? If you feel up to it, share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences in the comments below.
#13
“Come on, what’s the big deal, young lady?” My boss asking me to have a sip of whiskey at 11 am in his office when I was 7 months pregnant. I wish this was made up.
#14
(I am a chef) “if you go in the walk-in for a minute, I can’t spank that bad mood out of you.” (He was married and my boss)
Second only to the same man walking up behind me in a pantry room and cupping my breasts in both hands, and saying “that’s exactly how I thought they’d feel”
When I told the owner, I got fired. This was the summer of 2000
#15
“I’m gonna tell you like I told….(the only other female in office)… Know your place!” We literally ran the facility and he was a newcomer.
#16
“Why would a woman need measuring tape for?”
I’m an engineer
#17
I currently have ZERO male coworkers and it truly brings me so much peace
#18
“Being a mother is women’s purpose”….after I said I didn’t want children.
#19
The owner of the start up I worked at watched me Google search something and said he was impressed “I knew computers”. I built my first website when I was 10 and have worked in tech for 15 years.
#20
“Is everything okay? Is it that time of month?” When I disagreed with my boss’s approach
#21
When attending the interview of a sales executive, we were taking a 15 min break halfway through…my president asked the candidate if he wanted coffee/tea and the candidate turned to me and asked for a black coffee with two packets of sugar 🙄 safe to say he didn’t get the role.
#22
That my salary’s more than enough because I don’t have a husband or kids…
#23
A male coworker referred to my maternity leave as a vacation
#24
“Shouldn’t you be painting your nails or something?” This was my first job after uni and he was about 20 years older than me… but we had the same job and salary
#25
“I’m not a m*lester” — and then proceeds to push me into a corner and tries having his way with me. I reported it, I was then victim blamed and shamed and severely victimized by my direct manager and HR manager. PS, the direct manager was also one of his victims.
#26
“Who’s watching your kids?”
To which I respond “Their father”
“Oh. Is he pretty good with them?”
I said “I hope so”
#27
Your emails are too direct, we need to work on softening the way you speak to others.
#28
Randomly shoved his phone into my hand and proceeded to show me an [adult] video, asking “is this you?” (He was trying to be funny) – I was ✨traumatised✨
#29
A much senior and older man told me it would have been nice “to put some sand in the office” so I would feel like I were on the beach and I would take my red dress off
#30
I was eating my lunch and dropped a crumb on my lap, much older male co worker asked “can I lick it off”
#31
“you shouldn’t wear those tight pants, I can tell you’re not a virgin”
#32
“You’re difficult, did you freeze your eggs?” third week on the job…
#33
Called me “unprofessional” to a superior and then came up behind me and gave me a wet willy (licked his finger and stuck it IN MY EAR) at a staff luncheon the following week 🫠 He was the interim head of school, I was his daughter’s English teacher.
#34
When the HR guy found out I was married, he said “I didn’t act like a married woman”
#35
Not co worker , but a senior manager and stakeholder. Telling me “Why do you need a promotion? To buy more makeup and lipstick? You’re not a guy who needs money to run a family”
#36
why didn’t get a more girly job? (I am a mechanical engineer)
#37
Me being assertive. A male coworker: ” Well, I see why you are divorced.”
#38
“Are you injured or just pregnant?” when he thought I was walking strangely
#39
My old boss told me to unbutton more buttons (before I had an explant) when having dinner with clients to sell more.
#40
“Having an affair with a coworker makes work fun to come to”
excuse me?
#41
“Pants two days in a row?”
#42
Introducing me to a younger male coworker visiting from another office: “This is Molly. Sometimes she comes in looking nice and other times she looks like a mop,” in reference to my curly hair that I sometimes straighten.
#43
“How do you want me to give it to you 😏” while handing me orders to process
#44
Not me but a coworker told me this story. They were in a meeting, and when she recommended something, another person said “why are women even in engineering?”. HR was in the room too but they didn’t do s**t.
#45
A man from my work I never actually met because he was in another team, made a fake face book profile and started to speak to me from it. I truly thought it was some friends having a laugh till they wrote to me, “saw you in the tea room today and you ignored me” and I was like hmmm what the HELL! So… fast forward to HR being told about it and his manager said to mine “what do you expect? She’s a woman” few years after this post warning, he started again as a new fake profile as an “artist” and tried to pretend to talk to me about art then accidentally let out that it was him and wow had to go back to HR again…. It was ridiculous. Creep.
#46
When are you getting divorced so I marry you. (There was absolutely nothing between us)
#47
One of my colleagues said “how easy it is for women to work you can just go on long maternity leave/vacation whenever you want to” ummm WHAT?
#48
My coworker said I should strip because it pays really well ( I was probably talking about how our company didn’t pay enough to realistically live on).
#49
That I have an attitude issue because I won’t speak to him in his private office for 10 minutes everyday
#50
“Your only job is to come to office and look pretty”
#51
“Are you sure you understand what you’re doing?” My position is higher than his
#52
That if I ate candy it would go straight to my a*s. Reported him to HR and he never spoke to me again.
#53
In the tea room “imagine if I just pushed you down the stairs right now” – really letting the intrusive thoughts out
#54
My ex coworker, with whom I really didn’t had anything to do, send me randomly a Post from LinkedIn which was Talking about freezing Eggs and Said „i just wanna send this to inform you about it, But don’t take it personally”
#55
My old principal at the school I worked at called us all his “daughters” but then joked about being asked why he hired so many young attractive beginning teachers.
#56
“Off the record this job would have been yours if you weren’t going on maternity leave”
#57
We talked about career and when I started to talk about it, he said to me: Go get married!
#58
I’m a 6’1 tall, busty woman. Once a physically disabled co worker(had a shorter leg, a limp and was very slim) asked him if I’d body slam him into the ground and just lay on him.
#59
Me planning to resign and try to work overseas (after 1 failed attempt) and he goes like “I don’t think overseas is for you… because you did already try it once”
I did resign and I did leave the country. He is still in the same job.
#60
I am the only girl at the site (fifth year engineering internship)with all construction workers , a coworker said : look what you do to all this men while u r dressed up soo modest, i wonder what would happen here if your clothes were revealing
#61
At a small organization the male director in a room full of women running the org said “when i step down and whatever man takes over”…
#62
“You’re too professional” was a wild one
#63
“You’re too strong.”
#64
When I was a trainee a partner looked at me from bottom to top and stared at my a** saying : “are you Brazilian?”
#65
“When you started working here I didn’t think you’d be able to handle it. Then when you made it and turned out to be one of the best builders it actually made me kinda mad”
#66
I started a new job and within a few days my coworker told me his wife was stalking me on social media.
#67
Idk if it’s the craziest but I still think about it almost 6 years later, When I was pregnant my older, very respectful male coworker asked me if my mucus plug was still intact.
#68
My manager occasionally smacks my a** while commenting on how good it looks today. My wife does not like him
#69
Asked me if I could possibly make him dinner every night as I had a family do could probably make an extra plate.
#70
That he wanted to stab me to death
#71
My manager flirted with me when I asked him if he’d stay overtime with us tonight, he replied “I’d do if you ask me to”, and he was married with a kid and 10 years older to me
#72
“So are you irregular or regular?”
#73
He said I look good in an attractive way, and he is younger than me
#74
Male colleague, completely out of rage: “You come to work every day and shake your hair like this (imitates the way he notices me shaking my hair)!!” Background: He had another problem with me but like most of the men he wasn’t able to communicate his problem adequately.
#75
“Can I make a personal observation? You are extremely good-looking.” We’d been talking about the court’s website right before this
#76
I’m a barmaid and the manager told me that clients didn’t order because I’m too small and them can’t see me
#77
Get yo scrumptious [butt] out my way. FYI I’m a male and this was said not in jest by another male. That was a weird day
#78
Me explaining why I wish that we could get specified carers leave on addition to sick leave (I don’t even mean just for women tbh) because I use all my sick leave looking after kids and have to go to work when I am sick.. Him ‘yes but why should you be enritled to more leave than me’….. Ok man talk to me when you’ve got kids.
#79
I am also bored looking at your face.
#80
“We can’t promote you because you’re the wrong gender and race.” Yes I’m 100% serious. You see I was a male engineer and we had a strong DEI program. Btw it was the best thing that happened to me because now I work for myself and life is way better. Just keep that in mind while complaining about whatever issues you are having at work.