Writing a novel is a deeply personal journey. For some, it’s a hobby, but for others, it becomes a part of their identity. And so, when your creative process is suddenly disrupted—especially by someone you trust—it can feel like a personal betrayal.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) had been working on a novel for a while, but when her boyfriend wiped her notes completely off the board because she didn’t have enough time for him, she started to question their relationship.
More info: Reddit
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The author had been working on a novel for a year and she made notes on whiteboards so she could always look at them
She returned home one day and saw that her boyfriend had wiped off all her notes
When she asked him about it, he admitted to doing it because she didn’t have enough time for him and this came as a surprise to her
She was very upset and so she asked her boyfriend to leave, but she was heartbroken when he made no effort to reach out at all
The author ended up speaking with her friend and that was when she realized that she and her boyfriend had unresolved issues
In an update, she mentioned that she decided to go to her boyfriend’s place so they could talk things over but he was asleep
He got very angry with her for waking him up and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back so she ended up leaving
The author added that she and her boyfriend broke up, but she wasn’t able to write much since the incident
The OP dedicated time to her novel every single day. While most of her manuscript was stored digitally, her whiteboards were an important part of her process, holding the character details and ideas she wanted to keep within sight. Her boyfriend seemed to be in support of her passion as a writer, writing with her and reviewing her notes sometimes.
However, one day, she arrived home to find that everything on her whiteboards had been wiped off completely. Surprisingly, her boyfriend had wiped it all off because, according to him, he felt she was too focused on writing and didn’t have time for him. This came as a surprise to her because he’d never mentioned it before.
For the OP, it wasn’t just about losing notes, but about the lack of communication and respect. It was also the fact that he would go as far as to destroy something that was very important to her just because he needed attention. The OP was deeply upset, so she asked him to leave, but after that, he didn’t call or text.
She felt heartbroken, because their relationship wasn’t a casual one. She and her boyfriend had spent nearly every night together, shared responsibilities, and even looked at engagement rings recently. His family had paid for her college semester, and her family had taken him on vacation. By all accounts, they were serious. But this incident had shaken everything up.
In order to gain more insight into the gravity of the situation, We reached out to author Oyinkansola Edem, who expressed empathy towards the OP both as a writer who understands the pain of losing hard work and as someone who has successfully balanced marriage with her writing career.
When asked if it was ever acceptable for a person to destroy something important to their partner in an attempt to get their attention, she was firm: “No, it’s not acceptable in 99% of cases. I’d leave the 1% if it’s something criminal or if it’s something that can jeopardize the safety of the individuals in the relationship.”
She went further to explain that open communication is always the better approach. Instead of resorting to destruction, it’s important to express concerns, discuss feelings, and find a solution together. At this point, we asked if it was possible for personal passions and relationships to thrive together. To this, she responded, “What is most important is the kind of person you are with.”
She explained that both can absolutely thrive together, but setting boundaries is key. She agreed that partners don’t always have to share the same passions, but they should respect each other’s interests. However, if their disapproval becomes toxic or controlling, it may be a sign that the relationship isn’t sustainable.
We asked Edem if this situation is something worth breaking up over, and she explained that if a partner consistently disrespects or undermines your passion, it’s important to consider whether that’s something you can tolerate long-term.
In this case, she described the boyfriend’s as “vindictive and evil,” and highlighted that if he could destroy something so valuable to her now, he just might do worse in the future—such as sabotaging her career. From this perspective, breaking up seems justified.
“However, this is not to say that this isn’t something that can be resolved. It can be,” she added. She emphasized that it can be resolved, especially if it’s a long term relationship. However, this would require the boyfriend to take full responsibility for his actions, recognize the harm he caused, and commit to real change.
The sentiments from netizens largely reflected surprise over the boyfriend’s actions, with many seeing his behavior as a red flag for deeper, more controlling issues in their relationship.
If you could give the OP one piece of advice, what would it be? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens expressed their empathy towards her and pointed out the cruelty of erasing something someone loves
